"Love Bombing”: ¿Cómo saber si eres una víctima de esto?

México

En entrevista con"Martha Debayle en W",  Matthew Hussey, Nombrado autor de un Best Seller por el New York Times por el libro “Get the Guy”. Coach de relaciones y confianza personal. FB: Matthew Hussey // IG: @thematthewhussey // YT: Matthew Hussey

➔ What is Love bombing?

● Is a sort of a “love vampire” they know that love is both the objective and the weapon.

● The objective because love is that feeling they are trying to get and it could be different forms of love, it could be making love, ir could be sex, or it could be the giddy feelings that they really enjoy in the early stages of a relationship treating you like you ́re some sort of fresh canister of love to be used up like an aerosol and then when you are running empty they move to the next person and get the giddy feeling all over again.

● They use love as a weapon because the way that they create those giddy feelings is to give them to you, is to give a huge amount ot energy and investment early on to tell you very grandiose dramatic things about how wonderfull you are, about how strong their feelings are. They do things that aren ́t earned at the level of relationship you are at with them all in pursuit of a stage of connection there is not organic to where you are right now.

● If they can get you to fall in love really quickly, if i can get you to feelings of love really quickly, then you ́ll start doing for them the kinds of things that you wouldnt normally do this early in the game which might mean: more attention, more sex, more investment or just a portrait of themselves that feeds that feeling they want to get about how wonderfull they are:

○ “if i can make you fall in love really quickly then I get to feel awesome , I get to prove yet again that another person has fallen for me this hard which is specially desirable in people who dont feel enough themselves if the can make you fall in love then is the latest representation, the lates evidence fot the fact that I am enough”

➔ How do you spot a “Love Bomber”?

● Question yourself: Is the person you are seeing right now love bombing you or are they just some sort of wonderful romantic that you should be throwing yourself into te arms of and enjoying all of the beautiful feelings that are being created?

➔ Why a Love bomber is a problem?

● The problem with someone comes because they dont feel enough, they are in pursuit of something that can never be achieved, that way it ́s never enough, so your love is never enough.

● They will keep searching it and searching for it and even if you give it to them they still wont feel good enough, they still wont feel whole, so they start looking for ir elsewhere and the cycle continues.

● This is a very dangerous person to be around, not every love bomber is incredibly consious about the fact that they are doing it, a lot of people use someone up and then move on to the next person because they dont feel satisfied at the end of it and they think that what they are looking for must be available in the form of a different person, so they keep doing the same over and over again hurting people deeply, breaking people ́s hearts and not being able to fix the pattern of behavior in

themselves in the process.

● We will present 3 “tests” that will allow you to know if the person you are seeing is a love bomber or someone that can make you happy.

➔ Test #1:

● Is the level of attention you ́re getting from this person or the words they are saying, organic to where you ́re actually at with this person?

● If you go on a date with someone and all of th sudden they ́re writing you poetry and saying these very grandiose things or they say things about their feelings for you or about how incredible you are, when you dont even know me that well.

● I cant feel accepted and love by you when you only know a tiny slither of who i am, if that ́s the case then we have to have our wits about us, because what we ́re receiving from someone is not based on us, its based on a projection of who someone thinks we are, or who they ́ve decided we are, so that they can feel a certain way it doesn mean we ́re not wonderfull it just means at this stage how they feel or how they ́re saying they feel cant possibly be personal on the deepest

level because they dont know us.

● On the deepest level, the danger with a projection like this is we ́re not safe, their feelings arent based on a real connection, is based on something they want to feel and it wont be until they actually get to know us that we ́ll know wether that feeling is sustainable or not.

● Is true that some people are just romantics, some people just are more “flowery” in their language, they feel intensely and they want to express it, sure, and that doesnt always come with bad intentions.

➔ Test #2:

● Do they react badly when you try to slow it down?

● If you feel the pace is too fast for you and you say that to them, how would they react: do they get angry, bad sign, are they frustrated, bad sign or do they just not listen.

● The reason they are getting angry or frustrated or not listening is because they want a feeling,

that ́s what they are in the “market” for.

● They are not in the market for a real realtionship which is built on listening to someone, which is built on an organic progression of getting to know each other better.

● They are in it for the feeling, they are like a junkie wanting their fix, dont get in the way of my fix and if you do, you ́re gonna be the target of my frustration and my anger.

➔ Test #3:

● Do they apply the basic rule of “invest in who invests in you”?

● If you want to protect yourself in love, dont invest in someone based on how much you like them.

● Invest in a person based on how much they invest in you, investing on someone based in how much you like them is a recipe for masochism.

● The kind of guy that goes trough life brazenly approaching everyone with zero fear, it could be seen as ultimate confidence or it could be seen as a sign of something else.

○ A kind of level of detachement, an ability to just see someone as a target and it ́s just about the result, but they dont even care if they get rejected because they are not even connected to it in that way.

● A healthy relationship is where someone tries and the other person tries and they go “Oh that was nice, that ́s been rewarded, this person feels the same way.

● If you are in a situation where someone goes “I ́m going to do all of this for you”, and then they seem not to care or feel excited about it, if the person continues giving it all, that ́s not a sign of a real or healthy connection.

● If they dont even feel rejected by you not giving as much, then they dont have that normal kind of skin in the game ́.

● What they are trying to do is just bombard you and if they dont get what they want from you, they ́ll still simply go and get it from the next person.