¡Ayuda! Quiero ser más comprensivo con las mujeres

México

En entrevista con"Martha Debayle en W",  Jeremie Lotemo, Poeta, escritor y Coach de transformación basado en Atlanta. Su método se basa en darle a hombres y mujeres, las herramientas para liberarse de creencias limitantes arraigadas para que sus vidas y experiencias de relaciones amorosas revelen la mejor versión de sí mismos. Host del Podcast “Gates of perception”. IG: @byermeas // TW: @byermeas

➔ The main complaints in a relationship:

• Women about men:

1) He’s not there for me

2) There is not enough emotional connection.

• Men about woman:

1) There’s too much fighting

2) There’s not enough sex.

➔ Why don't men seem to understand women?

• The reason men don’t understand women is because they learn about women, what they want, and what they desire directly from other men.Not women, but from other men.

• This set them up to not better understand women but to better understand what men believe about women.

• As men, they need to stop trying to figure out why women do the things they do. We will never fully understand why. And that’s okay because we can still love them even without that information.

➔ Male Psyche:

• The father plays a huge role in shaping healthy masculinity in their sons.

• Young boys learn about masculinity through observing their fathers.

• The relationship they form with their emotions is a direct outcome of the communication they received when trying to process and regulate through difficult emotions “don’t cry like a girl” “man up” “toughen up” “stop being so soft”.

• Men learn to sexualize and eroticize their repressed emotions of anger, rejection, abandonment and longing rather than acknowledging and self-regulating through them from a conscious and connected place.

• One of the ways fathers socialize young boys to dominate over others and value power over connection is through sports. Sports become a way for young boys to prove their manhood and receive their father’s approval and respect.

• It is also in these competitive atmospheres that young boys are also taught and trained to betray and sacrifice the parts of them that make them “weak”— their sensitivity, empathy, vulnerability and softness.

• It's only when men mature and engage with those aspects of their inner child again that they realize that there was little to no payoff or benefit they received from betraying these vital aspects of themselves.

➔ Impact of the patriarchy:

• Patriarchy has perpetuated this idea, that selflessness is a woman’s highest virtue.

• In relationships men tend to celebrate a woman’s self sacrifice but discourage her anytime she chooses to speak up for herself, enforce a boundary or tend to her own needs.

• As men it's important to see that feminine rage and anger is an expression of a woman that is taught to be unvoiced and silenced. That if she expresses it she will be less of herself, while for us it's seen as an expression of power and dominance.

➔ Understanding Women Better:

• In order for men to understand women better, they need to realize two things:

• One: They don’t understand women.

• Two: They don’t need to understand women to love them, to respect their decisions, and have compassion towards them.

• One of the greatest things we can do for our women is create spaces where their anger is not dismissed or shamed but validated and welcomed.

• You might think: “but she is so emotionally chaotic and unstable, so reactive and terrifying”, her emotions are her responsibility to regulate through, but when you have someone you deeply care about that is afraid of their own emotions and culturally programmed to suppress a huge part of what makes them human.

• Brave is the man that can hold the wildness, with the sensual, the rage with the graceful and the maiden with the oracle in a woman and allow himself to be completely moved and inspired by it.

• Loving a woman requires that you embrace, encourage and hold all that she is.

• Love her is not to tame her, but to encourage her to remind untamed.

• Being with a woman requires her love to wake the parts of you that you are afraid to feel, that are not strong enough to hold her fullness, and that need her to remain unthreatening and pleasing in order to feel secure in your masculinity.